To those of you that saw the previous video I posted. It is now private. I offended a lot of people with that video and was pretty much either triggered or slightly hypomanic and experiencing a mixed episode. I have an announcement to make that is coming soon but I want you all to know that was me ugly. I was really ugly and I am so sorry and embarrassed. This is not the first time I have had a meltdown or episode on my channel. I've had depressive episodes, mixed episodes, and just all kinds of stages of living with Bipolar and I'm a mess most days but I am happy now that I found medication. Medication does not make me perfect and I still have episodes it's just the severity is no where near the same. I'm making it and loving my life, yes I struggle and I'm an imperfect human but I am happy to have all the love and support that I need and I am so grateful to still be here. Again if you saw the last video and you've been with me for a while you already know but for those of you that don't I should have never spoken to you guys that way and I was so wrong. I hope you can forgive me.

I made this video on vacation when I went to my sisters baby shower last weekend. All families struggle but with bipolar disorder they suffer significantly.
I can not change any of the pain I've caused my family. I recognize it and I have apoligized but it never seems to be enough. My parents are awesome people they struggled to understand my Bipolar Disorder like most families. They have grown and educated themselves in many ways but ultimately it was up to me.

I had to grow significantly. I had to heal and look at myself and my behavior and I had to have hard conversations. I'm doing okay and I want so badly for my parents to be able to see I did something with my pain. I made something for other people to learn from.

I can't possibly understand the level of pain I've caused those that love me. Sometimes we are so deep in our own pain we don't see how we hurt others. I know I failed to recognize how much some of my actions hurt those that I love.

And while I have not had a psychotic episode I have had episodes and many of them on camera right here on this youtube channel.

I am outspoken and it is probably really hard having a daughter run a youtube channel where she shares all her dirty laundry with the world to be judged and analized. My family has been very patient with me and gone through so much because of me. I wish I could erase their pain and the bad things I did to them or said to them I can only try and move forward and try and show them I do deserve to be heard.

A RESULT OF BIPOLAR IS BAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY. If you experience this you can get through it. You can find forgiveness for yourself and you can go into a previously painful relationship with new eyes if you work to change yourself.

It takes a lot to learn who you are. I'm still learning who I am.

I found a way to not take things personally with the painful relatioships that I have. I found a way to imagine a beautiful relationship and am working to try and have that. No one is perfect and no one person is too flawed we are all just doing the best we can.

Here are some other videos

Bipolar Mania Ruined My Life
   • My 4th BIPOLAR MANIC Episode  

Helping Someone in Need- Trying to Support Tiffany
   • I AM GOING TO JAIL! Mental Illness & ...  

Do Bipolar People Enjoy Mania
   • What Bipolar Mania Is Really Like and...  

Thank you guys so much for watching and your patience and understanding for my ugly moments.


For the ELECTRAWAVE Grounding Matress cover I mentioned. I really do love it you guys. You can use when needed or all the time but it's really helped with my back.

Discount code for 20% off: 205JKL4V (Good until 10/5/24)

https://www.amazon.com/ELECTRAWAVE-Gr...

If you or someone you know think they might be bipolar please see a doctor ASAP. There is a test you can take online to see if you need to contact a doctor it is not meant to diagnose but to determine if further investigation into a possible diagnosis is needed.

If you are suffering with intrusive and harmful thoughts and need to speak to someone please dial 988 from any phone to be connected to a person for support.

Love you guys!

#bipolar #mentalillness #bipolardisorder